A Day in the Park

I'm in picture taking withdrawal!!!  I am rather accustomed to being SWAMPED and overrun with people wanting me to take their pictures at this time of year.  But as we are in a brand new place...that is NOT the case right now.  And I'm missing it!  I'm missing all the silly smiles and shy looks and uncooperative two year olds!  I'm missing seeing how much they've all grown over a year and swapping out their little heads to get that "perfect" family photo.  I miss seeing my families and catching up and hearing all that they have been up to.  I'm just missing it!  The kids and I went to the park this weekend.  Well...two out of three kids anyway.  It was a beautiful day.  Not hot, not cold, sun shining gorgeously!  The kids played and I snapped away.  There is a trail that goes along the park and leads alongside a huge pasture where there are often longhorn cattle grazing.  We walked over to see if any were grazing there that day, but none were around.  It still made for a gorgeous picture though!  Anyway, here's some shots of our day at the park!

Rough Days of Tough Love

Last night I got an e-mail that has thrown our family into a storm of turmoil...It said this...

Hello,

Have you checked Max's grade in Skyward?  He has a forty with 12 zeroes and two failing grades.  The most important thing to note is four of those zeroes was a project they had six weeks to work on.  What do you want our game plan to be?  I have had more than one personal conference with each student about what they are missing and because I haven't been able to keep up with who is here and who is not, everyone has been allowes to turn anything in with no penalty.   

NOT the kind of e-mail a parent enjoys getting by any means.  We went through this last 6 weeks and I stepped in, went to talk with his teacher, got all of the work he had missed and sat on him until he got it all done and turned in.  He brought the grade up from a low D to a high C...maybe even a low B.  I can't remember now.  But he did bring it up to at least a C. I THOUGHT he had learned a lesson.   Then, 3 weeks ago, progress reports came home.  And he had a 48 in his english class and a 60 in his history class.  We talked with him about what was going on and pointed out that after LAST six weeks, he KNEW what he needed to do.  I have asked that child faithfully every single night if he has finished his homework.  And he faithfully answers YES.  Then, I usually ask him if he has finished ALL of his homework...just a little reminder to dig deep for any assignment he might have forgotten.  He assures me again...yes.  So imagine our surprise when we get this e-mail, clearly indicating that he certainly has NOT been doing the homework.  While profoundly disappointed, I will admit I was not surprised.  See...I've known all along he didn't have this under control.  I've known every single time that he has done no homework for this class.  I've watched him look me in the eye and tell me he has, knowing that he hasn't.  So I wasn't surprised.  Sad...yes.  Disappointed...more than words can say.  But not really surprised.  Chris and I have talked endlessly about this child of ours who just refuses to fall in and take his responsibilities seriously.  What to do?  How to handle it?  What should we say?  What should we NOT say?  How is it that we never seem to say whatever it is that would get his attention and turn this around?  So this six weeks we have said nothing.  No over the top, excessive reminders.  No hand holding.  No begging and pleading with him to get his assignments done.  Essentially we set him up to fail.  That's not really true though.  I should say...we are ALLOWING him to fail.  He's set HIMSELF up nicely enough for it.  He had little to say about the 12 zeroes last night.  There was a definite "oh shit" moment I saw pass across his face.  But it was ever so brief and fleeting.  And then the excuses and blame began.  See...it's not Max's fault.  At least according to him.  It's the teacher's fault because her class is so chaotic...he can't concentrate in there.  Even though she gives the exact same homework assignment every single week and that has NOTHING to do with what is happening IN class.  He refuses to take the blame himself.  He refuses to acknowledge that he simply WON'T look at his planner after school to see WHAT exactly he DOES have for homework.  He refuses to acknowledge that he tries to take the lazy way out doing the work.  When I asked him why he has 4 zeros on a project he has had 6 weeks to work on, he confessed that he chose a book he had already read.  THINKING that he would not have to re read it and that he could just do the project.  So naturally he waited until the night before the project was due at the last second and at THAT point realized that he could not do the project without reading the book.  And of course, there was no time to read it at that point.  So he just didn't do it.  At 6 o'clock last night...moments after the e-mail from the teacher and our "discussion" of it, Max remembered that today was to be the Thanksgiving feast for his social studies class.  He signed up to bring a jalapeno cheddar bread that I have a recipe for that he loves.  You make it in the bread machine.  He had not mentioned this all week long, not since we first talked about it.  So in order to make said bread, Chris had to make a special stop at the grocery store to purchase the ingredients.  Max really needed two loaves to have enough for a whole class.  But the first batch didn't start until after 7 p.m.  And since it takes nearly 4 hours....obviously there was not going to be but one batch.  He was angry, but there was little to argue about.  It was lights out time.  When we got up this morning, I saw that something had not gone real well and his bread had fallen.  It was  bit of a lump.  Hard and sunken on top, damp and squishy on the bottom.  A disaster in my book.  Immediately, Max wanted me to make another loaf.  I told him no...that he should not have waited until the last minute to do this....again.  And that he would have to come up with something else.  I suggested wild rice...I had two boxes he could cook up and take.  He did NOT like that idea and fought me on it the whole way.  He kept insisting that I had to help him and I insisted back that I did NOT.  That he was simply going to have to suffer the consequences of not being prepared and not doing things ahead of time.  He was so angry and then proceeded to argue that the fact that he would have nothing for the feast then was MY fault.  MY fault because I would not rebake the bread that 1) he FORGOT he had to bake, then rushed on and 2)he screwed up in the first place.  And that whole conversation just made me realize all the more why we are allowing him to fail right now and strengthened my resolve in the matter.  He refused to see his fault in this.  He finally said "Fine, I forgot, I messed up, I was not prepared.  NOW will you help me?"  But I realized he was just saying the words so I would help him...NOT because he actually believed them.  He still doesn't think it's his fault.  It was tough this morning.  On the one hand, as a mom, I want to fix it.  I want to step in and just take care of it for him.  But I realize that if I don't let him fall, and fall HARD with some consequences that hurt...he is NEVER going to get it.  If I carry him through eighth grade...I'm going to have to carry him all the way through high school and I'm not prepared to do that.  If he fails the 8th grade...well, that will be so unfortunate.  But at least it's a somewhat "safe" grade to fail.  If he fails 9th grade it's a whole different ball game.  With MUCH on the line and consequences there that may haunt him for a lifetime.  He has to learn this lesson, NOW...hard as it is.  And it is hard...on the mom anyway.  It was a very rough morning in our house.  Sometimes love just hurts.  Who knew it would be this tough? 

Happiness is my camera in my hand...

It's fall here in Texas and it's beautiful.  The air is cool, the leaves are all turning beautiful colors, and it feels just dreamy to have the windows open all day!  I've hardly picked up my camera since I got here.  Too much going on I suppose...but this weekend I did!  A few treasures from my efforts!

My sweet kiddos in a RARE moment of cooperation and smiles!

A beautiful knockout rose blooming just across from my driveway.

The tree in my yard!
Ain't fall just grand?!  I had forgotten what it looked like!

Twelve

Happy Birthday to our sweet Ben!  I can't believe he's twelve!  Wow!  

Wednesday

Wednesday night finds Tonya MOST grumpy in the Lone Star State.  Here's the latest.  Clara made it through the swine flu with no complications and returned to school the following Monday.  On her first day back at school, she managed to fall off the monkey bars and injure her wrist.  We watched it for a couple of days and she consistently continued to complain, so I took her in to the Urgent Care to have it x-rayed and make sure she was not broken.  Well, her wrist was NOT broken, however...the growth plate IN her wrist apparently IS.  And so...after a nice visit with the orthopedist, Clara came home in a hot pink cast which she will wear for precisely 4 long weeks.  Once the wrist was set in the cast it was amazing how quickly it started to feel better.  We were blessed to have a visit from Gigi and Pee Paw from Tucson.  They came out to Texas, checked it out, did some house hunting....and are excited about joining us here in Texas.  But a few days into the trip, Pee Paw got sick with a cold, and his cold soon turned into something ugly.  And that something ugly landed our poor Pee Paw in the Baylor Grapevine hospital for two nights.  He was discharged by the skin of his teeth early this morning, just in time to catch their flight back home to Tucson.  In the meantime, Clara developed a headache and sore throat that would NOT go away.  When she also started complaining about her ear area I made an appointment with a family practice here and took her in to be checked out.  They said there was nothing...her ears were clear and her throat, while slightly swollen on one side, was pretty good.  So she was given a clean bill of health and I promptly dropped her back off at school.  All was well for roughly, the next 13 hours when, at 2:30 a.m. Clara awakened me from a deep sleep crying about her "supposedly" healthy throat and headache.  I got up and gave her some ibuprofen, and on a whim, took her temperature.  103 degrees!  Yikes!  The kid was obviously NOT healthy and was indeed quite sick.  After calling 6 different doctors on the insurance list and being told by all six that they were only accepting newborns or newborns to age 3 or newborns to age 6....I was a bit frustrated.  And so we headed back to our old familiar urgent care...where I truly believe the very best of the best doctors in the whole Grapevine, Colleyville, Southlake area work!  They knew right away that Clara indeed had SOMETHING and set out to solve the great mystery.  They swabbed her throat for strep, which came back negative.  Then based on how crazy swollen her glands in her neck were, they guessed MAYBE mono....and a very difficult (for mommy) blood draw later, we were in the clear for that too.  At this point I must interject that there is NOTHING more painful than watching your baby be stuck and poked and prodded and having to sit and listen to their heartbreaking little cries of pain and fear.  I was there telling Clara that it would only hurt for a second and that we would have a BIG big treat afterwards and that she could totally do this.  They came and stuck the needle in her arm.  She, of course cried and went into mild panic mode while I....sat there and deep breathed and willed it to be over in a course of seconds.  Of course...it wasn't.  And after a minute the nurse said that he thought that the tube he had selected was maybe bad because it wasn't working so hot.  So he left the needle sticking in her arm to go run and grab another while I was left to comfort Clara.  At this point I was starting not to feel so hot.  It was really taking so much longer than I imagined.  I was no longer looking at Clara or her needle in her arm...but at the far corner in the opposite direction.  I was telling her, emphatically to breathe deeply and blow it out...but I was talking to myself.  I was patting her little back....thumping the heck out of her really is more like it and telling her it would all be just fine....and all the while I could see the edge of darkness there, playing at the outside of my vision.  The room was getting so hot and the darkness was creeping in...threatening to suffocate us (well...me, mostly).  Finally the nurse changed out the tube and finished the draw and the whole ordeal was over.  As soon as he left the room I thought that Clara should really lay down.  Truth be told, I was dangerously close to falling over and blacking out and thought it might be beneficial if we BOTH laid back for a spell.  After a few minutes, the darkness receded and my stomach settled down and I found I could start to breathe again.  I wasn't long before they came in with the news that the mono test was negative...but her white cells were nuts and very indicative of an infection.  We were given a good strong, broad spectrum antibiotic and some oral steroids to help with the swelling in her throat.  Official diagnosis?  Acute Tonsilitis.  

Anyway....Unfortunately, juggling Clara did not leave me much time to hang out at the hospital with poor Jim and Jackie.  I finally managed to escape for a couple of hours late on their last afternoon here.  I'm glad I did because it was the the last chance I had to say goodbye to them before they headed west again.  In hindsight...it might have been best that it all worked out that way.  That way there were no tearful goodbyes with the kids.  I'm not good with tearful goodbyes.

And so Gigi and Peepaw are now resting at home, in their own beds....and I  have had not only Clara home with her tonsilitis, but also Ben with an upset tummy today.  And honestly....at 9 p.m. tonight I am just DONE with all three kids.  Totally and completely done.  I'm tired and frustrated and absolutely at my wits end.  It has been a loooooooooooong day and I'm feeling more than a little cranky right about now.  I guess that pretty much catches things up.  Grrrrrrr.