Hello,
Have you checked Max's grade in Skyward? He has a forty with 12 zeroes and two failing grades. The most important thing to note is four of those zeroes was a project they had six weeks to work on. What do you want our game plan to be? I have had more than one personal conference with each student about what they are missing and because I haven't been able to keep up with who is here and who is not, everyone has been allowes to turn anything in with no penalty.
NOT the kind of e-mail a parent enjoys getting by any means. We went through this last 6 weeks and I stepped in, went to talk with his teacher, got all of the work he had missed and sat on him until he got it all done and turned in. He brought the grade up from a low D to a high C...maybe even a low B. I can't remember now. But he did bring it up to at least a C. I THOUGHT he had learned a lesson. Then, 3 weeks ago, progress reports came home. And he had a 48 in his english class and a 60 in his history class. We talked with him about what was going on and pointed out that after LAST six weeks, he KNEW what he needed to do. I have asked that child faithfully every single night if he has finished his homework. And he faithfully answers YES. Then, I usually ask him if he has finished ALL of his homework...just a little reminder to dig deep for any assignment he might have forgotten. He assures me again...yes. So imagine our surprise when we get this e-mail, clearly indicating that he certainly has NOT been doing the homework. While profoundly disappointed, I will admit I was not surprised. See...I've known all along he didn't have this under control. I've known every single time that he has done no homework for this class. I've watched him look me in the eye and tell me he has, knowing that he hasn't. So I wasn't surprised. Sad...yes. Disappointed...more than words can say. But not really surprised. Chris and I have talked endlessly about this child of ours who just refuses to fall in and take his responsibilities seriously. What to do? How to handle it? What should we say? What should we NOT say? How is it that we never seem to say whatever it is that would get his attention and turn this around? So this six weeks we have said nothing. No over the top, excessive reminders. No hand holding. No begging and pleading with him to get his assignments done. Essentially we set him up to fail. That's not really true though. I should say...we are ALLOWING him to fail. He's set HIMSELF up nicely enough for it. He had little to say about the 12 zeroes last night. There was a definite "oh shit" moment I saw pass across his face. But it was ever so brief and fleeting. And then the excuses and blame began. See...it's not Max's fault. At least according to him. It's the teacher's fault because her class is so chaotic...he can't concentrate in there. Even though she gives the exact same homework assignment every single week and that has NOTHING to do with what is happening IN class. He refuses to take the blame himself. He refuses to acknowledge that he simply WON'T look at his planner after school to see WHAT exactly he DOES have for homework. He refuses to acknowledge that he tries to take the lazy way out doing the work. When I asked him why he has 4 zeros on a project he has had 6 weeks to work on, he confessed that he chose a book he had already read. THINKING that he would not have to re read it and that he could just do the project. So naturally he waited until the night before the project was due at the last second and at THAT point realized that he could not do the project without reading the book. And of course, there was no time to read it at that point. So he just didn't do it. At 6 o'clock last night...moments after the e-mail from the teacher and our "discussion" of it, Max remembered that today was to be the Thanksgiving feast for his social studies class. He signed up to bring a jalapeno cheddar bread that I have a recipe for that he loves. You make it in the bread machine. He had not mentioned this all week long, not since we first talked about it. So in order to make said bread, Chris had to make a special stop at the grocery store to purchase the ingredients. Max really needed two loaves to have enough for a whole class. But the first batch didn't start until after 7 p.m. And since it takes nearly 4 hours....obviously there was not going to be but one batch. He was angry, but there was little to argue about. It was lights out time. When we got up this morning, I saw that something had not gone real well and his bread had fallen. It was bit of a lump. Hard and sunken on top, damp and squishy on the bottom. A disaster in my book. Immediately, Max wanted me to make another loaf. I told him no...that he should not have waited until the last minute to do this....again. And that he would have to come up with something else. I suggested wild rice...I had two boxes he could cook up and take. He did NOT like that idea and fought me on it the whole way. He kept insisting that I had to help him and I insisted back that I did NOT. That he was simply going to have to suffer the consequences of not being prepared and not doing things ahead of time. He was so angry and then proceeded to argue that the fact that he would have nothing for the feast then was MY fault. MY fault because I would not rebake the bread that 1) he FORGOT he had to bake, then rushed on and 2)he screwed up in the first place. And that whole conversation just made me realize all the more why we are allowing him to fail right now and strengthened my resolve in the matter. He refused to see his fault in this. He finally said "Fine, I forgot, I messed up, I was not prepared. NOW will you help me?" But I realized he was just saying the words so I would help him...NOT because he actually believed them. He still doesn't think it's his fault. It was tough this morning. On the one hand, as a mom, I want to fix it. I want to step in and just take care of it for him. But I realize that if I don't let him fall, and fall HARD with some consequences that hurt...he is NEVER going to get it. If I carry him through eighth grade...I'm going to have to carry him all the way through high school and I'm not prepared to do that. If he fails the 8th grade...well, that will be so unfortunate. But at least it's a somewhat "safe" grade to fail. If he fails 9th grade it's a whole different ball game. With MUCH on the line and consequences there that may haunt him for a lifetime. He has to learn this lesson, NOW...hard as it is. And it is hard...on the mom anyway. It was a very rough morning in our house. Sometimes love just hurts. Who knew it would be this tough?
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