Missing Home

God I miss Tucson.  All of a sudden it's like a wave that's just washed over and I can't even see straight I'm so sad and homesick.  I guess it's finally settled down a bit and I have a chance to come up for air and when I do...I don't see a single familiar face.  Or a familiar place.  It's beautiful here...but not in a Tucson kind of way.  I miss my friends like crazy.  I miss working out at the gym with Jenny and the exact same faces that I have seen faithfully EVERY SINGLE WEEK for the past 4 1/2 years.  I miss our chats and I miss our after workout excursions to AJ's for pizza and shopping at Lucy.  I miss Gillian and her sunny, bright phone calls and our lunches at Rubios.  I miss Pei Wei lunches with Jenny and long walks with Mary.  I miss pumpkin latte season WITH someone.  It's not the same all by myself.  I miss the breathtaking view of the mountains as the sun peeks up over them every morning.  And I miss....well...there's nothing I don't miss.  I'll be 38 in 3 days...and I hate that I'll spend it alone and NOT with friends this year.  Chris will be in town...for once.  So I won't be totally alone.  But it's not Tucson. And tonight I'm mighty homesick.  I knew it would come.  So that part doesn't surprise me.  I guess I'm surprised at just how sad I really am and miserable and I guess I had somehow forgotten just how lonely it can be the first few months in a new town.  I remember now.  And I'm not a fan of this phase.  The kids all seem to be doing great.  As is Chris.  He seems happy as a clam.  I think I'm the only one floundering here a bit.  I seem to have lost myself in this move.  I'm not a photographer anymore...and no...I don't want to restart my business right now.  I'm not a workout buddy to anyone.  I'm not really anything but a lunch maker, and a house keeper in an obnoxiously big house.  I'm a dinner cooker and the one who tucks every one in at night.  But once the kids are off to school and the house is clean...that's when I no longer seem to be able to figure who I am now.  I just wait for the bus to come home with the kids so I can monitor homework and start dinner and then tuck everyone in again.  I'm feeling displaced and more than a little bit up in the air.  It's all hit at a horrible time too because I couldn't BE any more hormonal than I am right now.  Oh well....I guess this is par for the course.  Like I said...I knew it would come.  And it has.  Just have to get through it now.